Some of the words used to describe this blog in the many comments I've gotten. I don't publish comments.
Not much to say other than 'there is not better drunk food than a husky chili buger at 3am. It's better than sex (unless the sex is with a delicious, curvey girl who is VERY eager to please)
Today's blog is dedicated to everyone who loaded up on ONE team in their playoff pools. Way to have some testes!
Willis
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Bye Bye Billy
So the city of Swift Current gave one of our most beloved landmarks the ax (or bulldozer) if you will. Billy Buffalo is now a memory. In it's place we'll soon see a new generic playground.
Bad move.
This is one thing where we had to take a look at Billy from an outsiders perspective. Show of hands, who has kids? Oh, put your hands down, I can't see you. When traveling eastbound on the #1 have those kids ever pointed out the large Moose in Moose Jaw? Of course they have. People stop at the Moose, take pictures of the Moose, spend some money take a piss and move on. Billy Buffalo had the same appeal to people passing through our community. If it was a safety issue then at least close his ass up, take the slide off and save the landmark.
Oliver Platt is a great actor. One of his best roles was in the movie "Bicentennial Man". An average movie with Robin Williams. Platt's character, a scientist named Rupert Burns had a great quote. Robin Williams plays an android who throughout the movie becomes more human. When it is time to have a human face, he wants it to look perfect. Burns, talks about how it's the imperfections that define us as people. He singles out his big ugly nose as "who he is". It's a good point. The other day, a woman told me that Adrien Brody is an attractive man. THE GUY WITH THE OBLONG BEAK FOR A NOSE! Yep.
Billy Buffalo was a big ugly imperfection. You know what, passing through Swift Current just got alot more mundane for people used to seeing Billy.
Pass this on to your favorite City Councillor. Don't replace Billy with a generic playground. Put something unique there. You've already killed a defining part of our city. It's like removing Cindy Crawford's mole.
Willi$
Bad move.
This is one thing where we had to take a look at Billy from an outsiders perspective. Show of hands, who has kids? Oh, put your hands down, I can't see you. When traveling eastbound on the #1 have those kids ever pointed out the large Moose in Moose Jaw? Of course they have. People stop at the Moose, take pictures of the Moose, spend some money take a piss and move on. Billy Buffalo had the same appeal to people passing through our community. If it was a safety issue then at least close his ass up, take the slide off and save the landmark.
Oliver Platt is a great actor. One of his best roles was in the movie "Bicentennial Man". An average movie with Robin Williams. Platt's character, a scientist named Rupert Burns had a great quote. Robin Williams plays an android who throughout the movie becomes more human. When it is time to have a human face, he wants it to look perfect. Burns, talks about how it's the imperfections that define us as people. He singles out his big ugly nose as "who he is". It's a good point. The other day, a woman told me that Adrien Brody is an attractive man. THE GUY WITH THE OBLONG BEAK FOR A NOSE! Yep.
Billy Buffalo was a big ugly imperfection. You know what, passing through Swift Current just got alot more mundane for people used to seeing Billy.
Pass this on to your favorite City Councillor. Don't replace Billy with a generic playground. Put something unique there. You've already killed a defining part of our city. It's like removing Cindy Crawford's mole.
Willi$
Last Longer....
I prematurely ejaculate....
There, I said it, I admitted it, there are several girls out there who giggle about it.
I should say I used to. I figured out how to prolong the experience. It's spring time, people should be doing it more (hell, with the weather we've been having do it outside!) Sadly, no Billy Buffalo to violate. The dirtiest place in town to bang someone is now officially the Big Eye bathroom.
Back to my point. If you, like me suffer from the embarassment of premature ejaculation, THREE things you can do to tame the wild beast.
1. Become a giving person. Some people may see this as ALOT to do just to get another ten minutes of lovin' per session. Only you can be the judge. You see, when you have an orgasm, it is YOU that is feeling good and YOU that is benefitting. An orgasm, when you think about it, is a selfish act. You need to get in the mindset that pleasing others before you is the way you should live your life. Donate money to charity, never go to someone's house without a gift, hold doors open for people, read books to the blind, become a volunteer, basically become an instrument of compassion that benefits mankind, and you WILL become a love machine! It's all mental.
Are you willing to totally overhaul who you are? If the answer is no then #2 and #3 will be more to your liking.
2. Script the scene in your head before you get freaky. I learned this from an actual porn star. How do they last? They are going off a script. If you think there is an outside chance you'll be getting laid, plan everything mentally. CAUTION, doing this and getting shut down adds to the frustration of not getting any!!! You see, my pornstar friend knew that he wasn't allowed to climax until he got six minutes of oral, gave her 45 seconds of oral (I know ladies, porn is SO unfair) then did 7 minutes of one position, 5 minutes of the next, 4.5 minutes of a third position before the final two minutes of oral and eventual money shot. If there is a clock nearby, time each position, but be subtle...looking at a clock during sex is a BUZZKILLER!.
USE CAUTION IN MENTALLY PLANNING STUFF YOUR PARTNER MAY NOT BE COOL WITH!!!
3. Make it a Workout. Kind of along the same lines as #2. So you failed to plan ahead like step 2 and you've remained and selfish pre-maturely ejaculating sponge on society rather than follow step one. Last chance to not embarass yourself. Count reps in your head as you "pump it" as you would in the gym. Mentally say to yourself (one-hundred hard ones) and thrust hard 100 times. Slow down, catch your breath, vary the velocity, then do another 100. 200 if you're in good shape. Again, be subtle. She get really turned off if she feels like an alternative to the elliptical at the gym.
Try to go about 7-10 sets of 100 reps and not only will you have a satisfied woman, but a SIX PACK!!!
Your welcome
Willi$
There, I said it, I admitted it, there are several girls out there who giggle about it.
I should say I used to. I figured out how to prolong the experience. It's spring time, people should be doing it more (hell, with the weather we've been having do it outside!) Sadly, no Billy Buffalo to violate. The dirtiest place in town to bang someone is now officially the Big Eye bathroom.
Back to my point. If you, like me suffer from the embarassment of premature ejaculation, THREE things you can do to tame the wild beast.
1. Become a giving person. Some people may see this as ALOT to do just to get another ten minutes of lovin' per session. Only you can be the judge. You see, when you have an orgasm, it is YOU that is feeling good and YOU that is benefitting. An orgasm, when you think about it, is a selfish act. You need to get in the mindset that pleasing others before you is the way you should live your life. Donate money to charity, never go to someone's house without a gift, hold doors open for people, read books to the blind, become a volunteer, basically become an instrument of compassion that benefits mankind, and you WILL become a love machine! It's all mental.
Are you willing to totally overhaul who you are? If the answer is no then #2 and #3 will be more to your liking.
2. Script the scene in your head before you get freaky. I learned this from an actual porn star. How do they last? They are going off a script. If you think there is an outside chance you'll be getting laid, plan everything mentally. CAUTION, doing this and getting shut down adds to the frustration of not getting any!!! You see, my pornstar friend knew that he wasn't allowed to climax until he got six minutes of oral, gave her 45 seconds of oral (I know ladies, porn is SO unfair) then did 7 minutes of one position, 5 minutes of the next, 4.5 minutes of a third position before the final two minutes of oral and eventual money shot. If there is a clock nearby, time each position, but be subtle...looking at a clock during sex is a BUZZKILLER!.
USE CAUTION IN MENTALLY PLANNING STUFF YOUR PARTNER MAY NOT BE COOL WITH!!!
3. Make it a Workout. Kind of along the same lines as #2. So you failed to plan ahead like step 2 and you've remained and selfish pre-maturely ejaculating sponge on society rather than follow step one. Last chance to not embarass yourself. Count reps in your head as you "pump it" as you would in the gym. Mentally say to yourself (one-hundred hard ones) and thrust hard 100 times. Slow down, catch your breath, vary the velocity, then do another 100. 200 if you're in good shape. Again, be subtle. She get really turned off if she feels like an alternative to the elliptical at the gym.
Try to go about 7-10 sets of 100 reps and not only will you have a satisfied woman, but a SIX PACK!!!
Your welcome
Willi$
Is This Thing Working?
I've taken a break from my usual porno viewing habits to create a blog. I am a master at erasing the computer history one handed just as my wife walks in the door while scurrying to the bathroom. I hope you like the blog. If you don't I could really give a fuck.
Don't read this blog around your kids. I don't update it around mine. Let's keep them out of it.
http://www.shockabsorber.co.uk/bounceometer/shock.html
I'm still debating whether or not that's sexy. Not even a little wood, so I'll say no.
I'll update in awhile. Glad to have you as a reader. Actually, I don't subscibe to any site meters or anything, so I can really give a shit how many readers I have.
RENEW CHYNOWETH'S CONTRACT NOW!!! 3 YEAR DEAL!!!
Back in a bit...
Willis
Don't read this blog around your kids. I don't update it around mine. Let's keep them out of it.
http://www.shockabsorber.co.uk/bounceometer/shock.html
I'm still debating whether or not that's sexy. Not even a little wood, so I'll say no.
I'll update in awhile. Glad to have you as a reader. Actually, I don't subscibe to any site meters or anything, so I can really give a shit how many readers I have.
RENEW CHYNOWETH'S CONTRACT NOW!!! 3 YEAR DEAL!!!
Back in a bit...
Willis
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